Man-Made Laws of the Universe

These are all un-proven un-scientific laws that seem to apply to modern civilized man. This will never be complete as we create more every day. We all know "If things can go wrong, they will." (Murphy's Law). Here are some you probably didn't know.

Parkinson’s Law – Tasks will take at least the amount of time allotted.

The 80/20 Rule – Twenty percent of the participants are responsible for eighty percent of the action (ie, stock market, sexual promiscuity, spending, wealth accumulation).

The Law of Diminishing Returns – The first 90% of a project takes 10% of the time, the other 10% takes the remaining 90% of the time (aka the Ninety percent rule).

Nonreciprocal Law of Expectations – Negative expectations yield negative results, positive expectations yield positive results (aka, “self-fulfilling prophecy”).

The Unspeakable Law – As soon as you mention something, if it’s good, it goes away; if it’s bad, it happens.

Hanlon’s Razor – Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity.

Howe’s Law – Every man has a scheme that will not work.

The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences - Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Zymurgy’s First Law of Evolving System Dynamics – Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is with a larger can.

Etorre’s Observation – The other line always moves faster.

Law of Selective Gravity – An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

Maier’s Law – If facts do not fit the theory, they must be disposed of.

Boren’s First Law – When in doubt, mumble.

Barth’s Distinction – There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.

Andy Warhol’s Law of Fame – In the future, each person will be famous for an average of fifteen minutes.

Jane Austen’s Rule of Romance – 90% of all women better show more affection than they really feel. (from Pride and Prejudice)

The Intelligence Policy of Disinformation – If a government says it’s not doing something bad, it probably is; if it says it IS doing something good, it probably isn’t (aka, “speaking with a forked tongue”, “talking out of both sides of your mouth”).

Everett Dirksen’s Law of National Debt - “A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money” [the late Illinois (R) Senator].

The Mythical Man Month – The more people you add to a project, the more time will be spent on communication and less on actual work.

The Law of Middle Management – a middle manager is someone who comes to work late if you come early, and who comes to work early if you come late. [Note: middle means “caught in the middle”, employees on one side, executives on the other].

Roger Ebert’s (movie critic) Law of the Infallible Tree – In movies, whenever the hero climbs a tree [“Rambo”, “Robin Hood”], a bad guy will eventually stand underneath that same tree. He also has the Fruit Cart Law: If you see a fruit cart in a movie, someone's gonna run over it.

Solomon’s Rule of Domestic Bliss – Let a woman change her mind often because she’s going to anyway. (and with 800 wives, who cares anyway?)

Benjamin Franklin’s Rule of Riding – When riding a horse, sit heavy and tight; when riding a man, sit loose and light [from Poor Richard’s Almanack, a bestseller found in nearly every home in colonial America].

Conway’s Law – In every corporation, there’s one person who knows exactly what’s going on; that person must be fired.

Green’s Law of Debate – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Stewart’s Law of Retroaction – It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.

First Rule of History – History doesn’t repeat itself but historians repeat each other.

Oliver’s Law of Location – No matter where you go, there you are.

Glyme’s Formula for Success – The only rule for success is sincerity; once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Harrison’s Postulate – For each and every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.